Even though I walked into 2016 psychologically and emotionally weak, 2016 was still a good year for me.Look at my eyes in the above picture and swear you see a happy girl. I might be smiling but my eyes says so many things my lips couldn’t. I had a plate of delicious food right on my table but I couldn’t even eat a spoon full because I had so much going on in my life then. At that point in my life, I thought that was it for me.
How do you expect a young lady full of life dreams and aspiration to feel when all blood-work comes out negative, and all she get is “you’re healthy go home and get some rest” on the contrary what she feels is not just unimaginable
One of the days when the Ambulance picked me up to the Emergency Room in Frederick Maryland. I also have a short video clip below.
I go to the bathroom every night to positive words to myself, I asked myself question U.D what is wrong with you? U.D what is going on in your life? why are you restless? this is not you? what happened to you. I screamed at myself, yelled at myself, slapped myself and go back to bed to weep because none of these helped.
Axiety and panic attack is one of the worst thing that could happen someone because it has no medication, you can’t trace it, fear of nothing just consumes you and eat into the deepest part of you. only you can talk yourself out of it.
I was injected several times to keep me calm and put me to sleep but it starts again the moment the medicine expires , I will beg for another and at some point the doctors refused to inject me again because if they continue I will be addicted.
I was depressed for months and couldn’t move on, I was placed on medication that I have to be watched just in-case of suicide attempt because individuals who’re placed on this med have tendency of committing suicide. I was referred to a psychologist just to make sure everything is alright, Dr asked me several times if I was hearing voices but I honestly wasn’t hearing any voice.The only problem I had was panicking which triggers anxiety and then blows to a full panic attack.
The Ambulance was called on me several times, but I was declared healthy, had sleepless night to the point that my body got used to staying up. I wished their was nothing like sleep because what I was going through escalates the moment I lay down to sleep.Lost weight and didn’t even notice, I wanted to lives in the hospital with the Doctors and Nurses until they figure out what is going on with me.
A mere Look at my mattress scares the living day light out of me yet I couldn’t escape it, I still sluggishly embraced my fear, live with it but never got used to it. I will jump up every 30minutes with a tremendous pounding heartbeat, stay up praying all night and listening to Fr Mbaka’s healing prayers, surrounds myself with all prayer materials I could lay my hands on. Ranging from my bible to holy-water and Rosary yet I still wouldn’t get some sleep.
The chapel became my home, I was always there morning and evening, my room wasn’t good for me. I slept in the church under the cold, I told God I don’t know what he want to do with me, but whatever his intentions are, I have submitted myself to him.
I didn’t know what to do with myself, most days I go to church and cry all day asking him where I have gone wrong, I begged for forgiveness of things I did and the ones I didn’t do, ran to our priest for confession, went to retreats spoke with pastors and ministers. At some point I ate the sand in my good-luck bible and added some to my holy water and mixed some in my
olive oil. I prayed with these and drank from them everyday.
My family prayed and fasted, we started a prayer section among my friends for me, those who were far away sent me prayers and introduced me YouTube healing prayers and songs. I made it my business to listen to the Rosary prayer at all time. My Bluetooth was always in my ear playing healing songs and prayers.
Bob Marly’s “everything is gonna be alright” gave me hope and Tangled’s healing song “Bring back what was once mine” made be believe that I’ll be fine.
Then on this day, I went to the hospital and refused to go home even when I was discharged. I stayed back there and cried my eyeballs out. The Dr called me in again and showed me all my medical test saying all test has been done and am fine. But he will run my blood sugar test again even though he doubt the necessity but for my sake he will go ahead just to rule out everything.
The test was carried out and guess what? That has been my problem for the past 5 months. October 2015 through March 2016. hypoglycemia (low blood glucose) affect people in different ways, but mine came with an increase in heartbeat which triggers anxiety and full brown panic attack. I was placed on medication and I started to feel better gradually until I fully recovered.
My sugar level dropped because I got too busy with school and work that I skipped meals and neither was I taking sugar supplements.
This was at the ER in Newark, State of New Jersey
If you’re among those who still have doubt about the existence of God, let my testimony change your mindset today.
I thought it was the end of the road for me, but Jesus walked in and changed my story.